Pokemon Go (iPhone/Android, 2016)

Time for a game that is bringing people together like none other. Since everyone is playing it, it presents a primo opportunity for fellas like me to strike up conversations with women while we're out and about, forging new connections and relationships; bonds that may end up enduring for the rest of our lives, and all because of a simple mobile game.

...or in my case, it just dramatically increases how often I get pepper sprayed.

Pokemon: Generation III (Part 2 - Roxanne)

This guy is just too cool for school, isn't he? Not only is he wearing hip shades, he can't even be bothered to look at our hero while he addresses her. She's also clearly way too weak of a trainer for him to bother with, so he apologizes for wasting her time. F**** off, dude.

Terminator Genisys (iOS/Android, 2015)

Wrapping up Terminator Week with a look at an entirely new game that I've never covered before. This one came out for smartphones, and I was pretty stoked to get into it. Is it any good, or should it melt in a vat of molten steel? Let's find out.

Old Terminator Games

Total casualties in the making of this post: 001. That one might be me. Good God, these games are bad.

Terminator 2: The Arcade Game (Various, 1991-1994)

 

 Here's a game that a lot of us spent waaaay too many quarters on back in the day, because it was approximately the coolest arcade game on the planet for a while. One or two players can wield light guns and battle the forces of Skynet in a first-person rail shooter that may or may not give you shell shock. The volume was turned up on this one.

No problemo.

Terminator: Dawn of Fate (Playstation 2 and XBox, 2002)

 This is on the shortlist for BEST Terminator game of all time. Which is a lot like being Toughest Male Model, but just roll with it. This game really is outstanding if you're a fan of the Cameron-directed parts of the franchise. It shows us more of the Future War (2029 version) than most other games, and it's obvious that the designers really cared about what they were doing. It's full of attention to detail; right off the bat it makes use of BGM from the war scenes in the first movie for the title screen and menu themes. Let's have a closer look.

The Terminator (Sega CD, 1993)

Given how great the first two movies were, it's weird that so few Terminator games have been any good. The Terminator for the ill-fated Sega CD has the distinction of being a rare good Terminator game. It also has quite the soundtrack, and fans of game soundtracks would do well to track this one down.

This game is surprisingly tough, to say the least. There are no continues, so if you run out of lives you start at the beginning. That said, I'm going to get to the end. I'll show you what this game is all about, the way only I can, while completely nerding out with useless Terminator fun facts. Get ready.

Robocop Vs Terminator (Sega Genesis, 1994)

Wait... Robocop Vs. Terminator Genisys? Don't tell me he was a critic too!

Robocop Vs. Terminator (Super NES, 1993)

Time for a game that's better than it has any right to be, as I play the very different Super NES version of a Genesis game I played previously. Like Terminator? Like Robocop? Well, check out what happens when the two make sweet, sweet love and have a game-child. My only question is... in a Robocop / Terminator relationship, which one is the butch and which one is the bitch?

 

Pokemon: Generation III (Part 1 - Emerald Begins)

As America - and Earth itself - teeters on the precipice of annihilation, I start the third and final Pokemon that I'll be playing on here. Whooo! I'm not drunk!

Pokemon: Generation II (Finale - Blue and Red)

Professor Oak greets our hero as he searches for the Viridian City gym leader. With Broken Matt defeated, along with the Elite Four and basically every other gym leader in existence, very little remains for Nero to prove.

Pokemon: Generation II (Part 8 - Misty, Brock, Blaine, Broken Matt)

...pest. The next thing she says - and this is true - is pest. What's her beef?

Bloodborne Redux

This is the quintessential Halloween game. It'd also probably be Negan's favorite video game.

Bloodborne (Playstation 4, 2015)

Time to look at what might be the best game of this generation. I covered this game in the past (and despised it), and want to take another look now that I "get it".

Bloodborne is the spiritual sequel to the Souls games. It's basically a Super Ghouls and Ghosts for the modern era; a challenging, high-stakes action game that will smack you around until you either give up or spend a huge amount of time mastering it.

Let's get going.

Pokemon: Generation II (Part 7 - Lt. Surge, Sabrina, Erika, Janine)

 Wait a minute...those are all Gen 1 bosses! That's right, it's time for the new Pokemon Champion to rock Kanto.

Wario Land 4 (Game Boy Advance, 2001)

That's right, it's time for the final game in the esteemed Wario Land series. Aside from the first game - which is a gem from my youth - I didn't enjoy any of these games. Why did I even play them? Because if we don't, the terrorists win.

Wario Land 3 (Game Boy Color, 2000)

Wario Land 3 is a game I missed entirely when it first released. It continues in the vein of Wario Land 2 by having Wario be invincible, a unique but weird choice. It also features some highly unusual level design. One of the things that made the original Wario Land so great was the simplistic style of gameplay. The sequels are slower-paced and a bit on the complicated side for platformers of this nature, and I don't think they're anywhere near the fun level of the original.

Wario Land 2 (Game Boy Color, 1998)

Time for the sequel to the game that started a franchise. Is this game worth its salt, or should Nintendo have stopped with the rad-to-the-max first game? Read on to find out what I think.

Wario Land (Game Boy, 1994)

Wario Land was one of the first Game Boy games I owned. I got a hell of a lot of enjoyment out of this game. Even though it was billed as "Super Mario Land 3", personally I found it to be a much better game than the other two Mario Land themed titles on the Game Boy. With the advent of the actual Wario Land series (four games altogether!) the "Super Mario Land 3" tag quickly dropped off the face of the Earth. Now it's referred to universally as simply Wario Land. Join me as I take a look at the game - the best part is, Waluigi is nowhere to be found.

Pokemon: Generation II (Part 6 - Elite Four)

Today on Pokemon Crystal: Friendship is Magic, I am very happy to announce that CoronaJumper.com will now be available in braille.