Wolfenstein: The New Order (Multiple, 2014)

Now that's a title screen. This is one of my favorite games from last year, and tells a brilliant story of an alternate timeline where the Nazis won World War 2. Today was the release of The Old Blood, a DLC prequel to this game, so I figured it'd be a good time to take a quick look at the main game.

This post is mainly about the newspaper clippings peppered throughout the game that fill in the backstory, as the majority of the game takes place in an alternate post-war 1960. BJ Blaskowicz was in a coma for most of the new 1946-1960, so the missing decade and a half of alternate events is something he's learning about along with you.

Alien: Isolation (Multiple, 2014)

Back to the games, as I spend some time with that awesome Alien game everybody raves about, yet it seems like nobody has finished because it's so damn long.

A Shot-by-Shot Breakdown of the Terminator: Genisys Trailer

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a really big Terminator fan. As a result, I was pretty psyched when I learned that a full trailer was out for the newest movie in the franchise. I don't know if this movie will be any good or not, and I think the name is stupid, but By God, this trailer was COOL. There's a shot-for-shot breakdown on a major internet site (it rhymes with die glow mime) and while I enjoy that site, I didn't think their breakdown was very good. Rather than complain about it, I said why the hell not do my own if I think I can do better?

Come with me if you want to live.

Arguing With Terminator Salvation Nitpicks

 With the impending release of Terminator Genisys - which I'm pretty stoked about - I'm going to revisit some old Terminator posts as well as checking out some of the (usually terrible) games based on the series.

Before that: Terminator Salvation. Released in 2009 and alternately praised/reviled by moviegoers, the fourth Terminator movie is controversial. This movie has a lot more attention to detail than people give it credit for, yet I've seen it get torn apart on the internet a lot. Then again, what doesn't get torn up on the internet? In any case, this movie got a lot of flak, so I'm going to take a few of the more common nitpicks and do my best to argue with them here. Terminator Salvation isn't the best movie in the world and can't compare to the first two movies in the series, but it's a step up from Terminator 3 and a well-done addition to the series mythology. I appreciated the amount of thought that went into this movie.

Dragonball Evolution (2009)

It's time for a look at one of the worst theatrical movies out there that's based on anime. This movie (very, very) loosely follows the events of the original Dragonball series, minus one very important character: Oolong. And by that I mean Kuririn. Okay, it doesn't really follow Dragonball much at all. And considering it was relying ENTIRELY on fans of Dragonball to turn out and watch it...

Destiny (All the systems, 2014)

 Today I'm taking a look at last year's most-mediocre most-hyped PS3 game! Also on PS4.

Final Fantasy VI: Strago Solo Game (Ruin Edition)

The Strago solo game rolls on as I take on the rest of WoR and the big bads in Kefka's Tower.

Final Fantasy VI: Strago Solo Game (Balance Edition)

I'm feeling ultra-nostalgic as of late. Know what I'd like to do? Play FFVI solo... as Strago. Nowadays, Final Fantasy games just aren't what they used to be. They have titles like Fabulous Nova Whispering Dawn of Ladyparts that sound more like feminine hygiene products than video games. Once upon a time, though, the series was pretty damn great. And FFVI might have been the highest point. Maybe. It's also noteworthy for having a female main character.

Then again, compared to most of the men in later Final Fantasy games, Terra is one of the less feminine Final Fantasy main characters. But this isn't about her; it's about Strago, the spell-slinging hip wunderkind from the upper east side of Thamasa. Can I beat this game with just one character? Read on.

Altered Beast (Sega Genesis, 1988)

This is a game that got requested a while ago. I'd seen glimpses of it previously, and it definitely wasn't on my agenda. However, in this case I'm glad that I gave it a shot, because it's RAD TO THE MAX. I'll put it out there that if you have any games you'd like to see looked at here, go ahead and let me know in any given comments section.

In any case, this game is responsible for more emergency calls to Animal Control than any other game in history.

Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland (Game Boy Advance, 2002)

In today's MAN-SIZED post, I cover the super-cool Kirby's Adventure remake.

Kirby's Adventure (NES, 1993)

Today we're looking at a very special game. It's his console debut, as well as the birth of Kirby in his power-absorbing incarnation. It's not a literal birth, though, 'cause...that'd be gross, and I already covered Bloodborne.

Kirby's Dream Land 3 (Super NES, 1997)

 One of the last Super NES games.

Kirby's Dream Land 2 (Game Boy, 1995)

Here's a game I was dying to play for a while in 1995. As the sequel to my first game, this had me super-hyped. I beat the game in a day once I finally had it, though it took me a week or so to unlock the true final boss.

I think it'd be something else if one of these Kirby games pulled a Metroid and revealed that Kirby is a woman at the end.

Kirby's Dream Land (Game Boy, 1992)

Kirby's Dream Land was the first game I ever owned, and as a result it has a special place in my memory. I can still remember perusing game shelves for my first game and choosing Kirby mainly based on the colorful, eye-catching box art.

I'd have certainly gone with Mario, but the store didn't have either of the Mario Land games that existed at the time. It's probably for the best; this is one of the easiest games I've ever played, making it perfect as a first game. It's a short (15 minutes or so if you're familiar with it), unassuming game, but little did anyone know that it would spawn a whole series of Kirby games that would catapult the "tough cream puff" into the pantheon of legendary Nintendo characters.

Superman 64 (Nintendo 64, 1999)

Today I'm going to take a quick look at one of the shittiest fucking games that Nintendo ever put the Seal of Quality on. And I thought Bebe's Kids was bad. What we have here is a textbook example of what NOT to do in video game design.

Final Fantasy: Record Keeper (iOS/Android, 2015)

Today I'm looking at a very cool phone game from Square Enix. ...did I just type those words? I believe I did.

Life Force (NES, 1988)

Time for another NES classique. Man, Konami was AMAZING back in the day. They gave us Metal Gear, Contra, Gradius, Suikoden, Castlevania, and lots of other good stuff. Nowadays they're firing Hideo Kojima and just generally being the worst.

This game is licensed by Nintend. Get the O out.

Dragon Warrior III Finale - The Odyssey

Bud Fox has used all his ill-gotten earnings on Wall Street to turn New Town into the towering metropolis of Budville. But will this, like all great empires, collapse under its own excesses?

Also, I kill Baramos and Zoma. Today on the JUMBO-SIZED finale of Dragon Warrior III.

Dragon Warrior III #2 - Andhra Pradesh

The queen tosses her handkerchief in the air and laments the harsh life that is being beautiful and well-liked by everyone. Loto nods.

Today in Dragon Warrior III, I traverse the desert portion of the game and do some class-changing. And a whole lot more!

The Last of Us (Playstation 3, 2013)

Today I'm going in the opposite direction from retro and looking at one of the biggest games of 2013. For a while, I didn't even consider playing this game. It looked depressing and boring, I was sick of seeing Ellen Page in modern games, and survival-horror simply isn't my genre. I didn't even like Resident Evil 4 all that much and that's probably the best survival-horror game of all time. However, after I played Bioshock Infinite, my need to continue with 2013's GOTY contenders drove me to get ahold of the game. Here are my thoughts on it, or at least the first couple hours. Spoilers will abound for said intro.