Kirby's Dream Land (Game Boy, 1992)

Kirby's Dream Land was the first game I ever owned, and as a result it has a special place in my memory. I can still remember perusing game shelves for my first game and choosing Kirby mainly based on the colorful, eye-catching box art.

I'd have certainly gone with Mario, but the store didn't have either of the Mario Land games that existed at the time. It's probably for the best; this is one of the easiest games I've ever played, making it perfect as a first game. It's a short (15 minutes or so if you're familiar with it), unassuming game, but little did anyone know that it would spawn a whole series of Kirby games that would catapult the "tough cream puff" into the pantheon of legendary Nintendo characters.

Superman 64 (Nintendo 64, 1999)

Today I'm going to take a quick look at one of the shittiest fucking games that Nintendo ever put the Seal of Quality on. And I thought Bebe's Kids was bad. What we have here is a textbook example of what NOT to do in video game design.

Final Fantasy: Record Keeper (iOS/Android, 2015)

Today I'm looking at a very cool phone game from Square Enix. ...did I just type those words? I believe I did.

Life Force (NES, 1988)

Time for another NES classique. Man, Konami was AMAZING back in the day. They gave us Metal Gear, Contra, Gradius, Suikoden, Castlevania, and lots of other good stuff. Nowadays they're firing Hideo Kojima and just generally being the worst.

This game is licensed by Nintend. Get the O out.

Dragon Warrior III Finale - The Odyssey

Bud Fox has used all his ill-gotten earnings on Wall Street to turn New Town into the towering metropolis of Budville. But will this, like all great empires, collapse under its own excesses?

Also, I kill Baramos and Zoma. Today on the JUMBO-SIZED finale of Dragon Warrior III.

Dragon Warrior III #2 - Andhra Pradesh

The queen tosses her handkerchief in the air and laments the harsh life that is being beautiful and well-liked by everyone. Loto nods.

Today in Dragon Warrior III, I traverse the desert portion of the game and do some class-changing. And a whole lot more!

The Last of Us (Playstation 3, 2013)

Today I'm going in the opposite direction from retro and looking at one of the biggest games of 2013. For a while, I didn't even consider playing this game. It looked depressing and boring, I was sick of seeing Ellen Page in modern games, and survival-horror simply isn't my genre. I didn't even like Resident Evil 4 all that much and that's probably the best survival-horror game of all time. However, after I played Bioshock Infinite, my need to continue with 2013's GOTY contenders drove me to get ahold of the game. Here are my thoughts on it, or at least the first couple hours. Spoilers will abound for said intro.

Dragon Warrior III (NES, 1991)

Time for what might be my favorite RPG on the NES. It's either this or the original Final Fantasy.

I put the SFC version of this on here a year ago, and I've been wanting to cover the original ever since. It'll be less Buffy-ized this time, as we see the real story of Erdrick.

EVO: Search for Eden Finale - Evolution is a Mystery

The meteor has fallen, wiping out the dinosaurs. Now, Chapter 4 takes us to an eastern hemisphere that looks pretty modern. We're leaping through eras like a champ now, and the Ice Age is fully underway. But why is there a flying castle over Mt. Kilimanjaro, and why is Mt. Kilimanjaro in completely the wrong spot?

EVO: Search for Eden (Super NES, 1992)

Time to look at a true classic from Enix. ...and by classic I mean a somewhat overrated grind-fest that is hard to play now. Despite that, there's something appealing and cool about this game that made it a lot of fun back in the day, and today I'm going to show you what that is.

Lufia: Ruins of Lore Finale - But The Fall Is Short

Time for the grand finale of Ruins of Lore, the only game whose developers furiously masturbate every time a player has to replay a dungeon that they've already finished.

Lufia: Ruins of Lore #5 - The Tower Is Tall

Wait a second... an underwater utopia that is destined to collapse under its own excesses? Did we step into Bioshock? Find out, on the next painstaking chapter of Ruins of Lore.

Lufia: Ruins of Lore #4 - The Horror

Back to the horrific dungeons. I'd rather get a root canal than do a dungeon from this game, and that's no exaggeration. This one has a creepy stone head as an entrance, so at least that's kind of cool.

The following takes place in an incredibly boring game with characters you want to set on fire.

Lufia: Ruins of Lore #3 - Save Us

............

::holds ears:: THE SOUNDS! THEY DON'T STOP.

Lufia: Ruins of Lore #2 - Moratorium

Today in Ruins of Lore, Rubius continues to lead RVD and Torma blindly on her journey. Yep, this is her story, even though she isn't even a playable character. The two dudes, the "main characters", might as well be Vicks and Wedge. Just along for the ride.

Lufia: Ruins of Lore (Game Boy Advance, 2003)

For this game, I'll be doing a No Pants Playthrough. I have to do something exciting, because trying to enjoy this game on its own is about as impossible as Shaquille O'Neal fitting inside of a condom.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Big Trouble in Little China lent inspiration to everything from Mortal Kombat to Ninja Gaiden. That's because this is only the greatest movie of all time. At least, I thought so when I was a kid. Surprisingly, it still holds up well today. Kurt Russellmania is here, Mister Burton.

Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Finale - The Shadowtime

This is it, the final episode of Link's Awakening. As Link makes enough of a racket to hatch the giant egg, what awaits inside? No one knows yet, but my money is on Anna Kendrick.

Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening #3 - The Rooster

Here's the Stalfos Knight, which used to be my favorite boss in all of these Zelda games. I think Dark Link took that crown in Ocarina though.

Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening #2 - The Sea

Why is there a picture of Princess Toadstool in a Zelda game?

...Wait, Christine? Who is Christine?