Paladin's Quest, Part 8: Back in Time

...of the penis.

Paladin's Quest, Part 7: Chezni's Mom... Has Got It Goin' On

"Sophie can't you see? You're just not the girl for me! I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Chezni's Mom!"

Paladin's Quest, Part 6: Zaygos

He may be the lord of destruction, but this makes him sound like an unkempt hippie.

Skyblazer

Sony and Nintendo's Obscure 1994 Marvel Team-Up

Skyblazer is one of the forgotten gems of the SNES era. It went largely unnoticed at the time of its release, overshadowed by big-name fare like Super Metroid and Yoshi's Island. It also went unnoticed in stores, probably because of the awful box art. That's unfortunate, because it's a really good game. If it weren't for Nintendo Power devoting a couple of pages to it, I never would have known it existed. What is Skyblazer? Read on.

Paladin's Quest, Part 5: Machine Gun Punch

Previously on Paladin's Quest... the fearsome Chill forcibly kicked beloved children's clown Fastjo out of the party. It was horrible.

Paladin's Quest, Part 4: Everything is Purple

The journey continues, as Saskout Mime Troop 13 begins their quest to fit in. See how they mime!

Paladin's Quest, Part 3: Sure Shot

Previously on Paladin's Quest...

...Chezni drank purple bird wings. It was pretty bad. Animal Control got called, and our hero ended up getting tased.

Paladin's Quest, Part 2: Trip With Pastels

NO! NOOOO!! WHY, FRITZ? BY GOD TELL ME WHY!!

Paladin's Quest, Part 1: Whiskey Dick

A Game For The Ages

Paladin's Quest is a 1993 RPG for the Super NES. Originally called "Lennus" in Japan, this is a fairly underrated classic with a unique world. They made a second game, Lennus 2, but it was never released outside of Japan. This series is similar to Dragon Quest in terms of how it plays, with a higher than average difficulty that is, at times, brutal. Join me for this look at a game that almost no one played. For these posts, I'll be calling the game "Lennus" - the original name of the game. The one that means something.

Movie Review: The Hunger Games

An original concept, to say the least

Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson

Directed by Gary Ross

It has been #1 at the box office for four straight weeks now. This highly-hyped movie is based on the first installment of a book series by Suzanne Collins. It tells the story of a young woman who is thrust into the spotlight in a bloodthirsty, imperialistic society that has lost its moral fiber; if she survives long enough, she may well be the catalyst for change that could bring the whole thing crashing down.

The Rest of Highlander: The Source

The Worst Movie I Watched This Year

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Hagane (SNES)

Jungle of Massacre

Today, I'll be talking about an SNES game that is actually really good, one that I played a few years ago. Unfortunately, almost no one else played it. Chances are, you've never heard of it. Hagane is, in a way, the spiritual successor to the old NES Ninja Gaiden games. It's the closest the SNES ever got to Ninja Gaiden 4 (or more likely, "Super Ninja Gaiden 4"). It's unfortunate that it didn't have the NG name to boost it to prominence.

Game Review: Mass Effect 3

March 2012

PC, XBox360, PS3

Publisher: Electronic Arts

Developer: Bioware

Time to Complete: 35-40 hours

Mass Effect 3 is, thus far, one of the most eagerly-awaited games of 2012 by far. The first two Mass Effects are among the most beloved sci-fi action-RPGs of all time, and expectations for the third installment were running high for months in advance of release. Luckily for the players, the finale to this epic trilogy manages to meet most of the expectations set forth by the playerbase. It has a bit of a slow start, but once it gets going it is as epic as its predecessors.

Shien's Revenge (SNES)

Heat Haze

As one of the few games designed for the Super NES Mouse, Shien's Revenge filled a very small niche in the gaming marketplace. Back in 1994, I wanted this game for a time. I'm glad I didn't find it, because it's about a half hour long. And back then, new games were so few and far between that I could only get games with substantial play value. While this game may have eluded me in 1994, I got ahold of it in 2010 and finally gave it the playing I wanted to give it many years previous.

True Lies (SNES)

He Will Grope You.

True Lies, for the Super Nintendo, is one of the lamer movie-based games of the 1990's. However, it has a special place in my heart. You see, this is the only SNES game I ever owned as a kid that I never actually finished back then. It was just too difficult, and too...bad. Luckily, emulators exist, so I was able to revisit this as an adult. Armed with adult patience (but lacking kid-reflexes), could I defeat this great bear from my youth? Join me, as I Legends of the Fall this thing.

Power Blade 2 (NES)

This is the most attention anyone has paid to Power Blade in the last twenty years

The sequel to one of the NES's greatest and most under-looked games, Power Blade 2 is... painfully average. By 1992, the NES had been largely replaced by the SNES, and the few new NES games tended to be subpar and forgotten. Why they didn't just do a Super Power Blade on the SNES is beyond me, but instead we got this. That said... it ain't bad.

Love Hina Games

Love Hina is a Japanese TV show best known for having a male lead who gets victimized regularly for no apparent reason by the women on the show. In other words, Love Hina is atrociously bad. At least, we can presume that much. I don't watch the damn thing. The problem is, they made games based on this infernal show. Women don't play video games, so I'm not sure how the publishers expected to sell any copies. I sat down and spent a few minutes with a pair of these non-gems, which were never released outside of Japan. The results are... unpleasant.

The 212

Following on the heels of my last post, here are some more shots of Manhattan. I took all of these, and hopefully they're enjoyed.

Ghosts

A little something I wrote last year.

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II

99th post, ladies and gentlemen

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II
2011
Directed by David Yates
Written by J.K. Rowling
Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert "Sexual Carrot Cake" Grint
Rated PG-13

The eighth and final installment of the storied Harry Potter movie series brings the storied franchise down to new levels of uninhibited sexual depravity of the kind normally only seen at college parties in Ancient Rome, obscene vulgarity that would make Quentin Tarantino's mouth blush, and graphic violence that would give pause to Eli Roth. Nothing that I just said is true, but this movie does feature the word "bitch"... and to some people, that's equal to all of the above in badness. If you aren't one of those people, you may already like this movie, so read on. Fortunately for us, the Republicans haven't found a way to ban Harry Potter for having "pot" in his name. Yet.