The Stages of Heartbreak

This is my relationship advice post.

Game Review: Super Mario Galaxy 2

Super Mario Galaxy 2 

Caliente!

Wii, 2010

Developer: Nintendo

Publisher: Nintendo

Time to Complete: 20-90 hours

Super Mario Galaxy 2 is, as of this writing, the second-best selling game of 2010 - right behind God of War 3. Nintendo has outdone themselves yet again with this one, delivering an amazing game with almost no strikes against it. Well, almost. The Threesome Minigame is out of place in an Everyone-rated game and personally, I'm appalled that Mario and Luigi would do such unspeakable things with Princess Toadstool while the Toads look on creepily.

Game Review: God of War 3

God of War 3

Skull-Crushing Finale

Playstation 3, 2010

Developer: SCE Studios Santa Monica

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Time to Complete: 7-9 hours

The finale to the God of War trilogy is, as of this writing, the best-selling game of 2010. I think we can all agree that video games are more sexual and violent now than they used to be. There are exceptions, like the 1989 Japanese Famicom classic Hashimoto the Sexy Octopus and the Girl's Locker Room of Super Peril Gaiden, which was banned in every country except Japan, Thailand, and Las Vegas.

Animatronics Vs. CGI, Passing Things On, and Pharmaceutical Ads

I've been hearing a lot lately about animatronics vs. CGI in movies. CGI is creating something with computer graphics, then digitally inserting it into a movie. Animatronics has to do with building the monster yourself (or a smaller scale model of it) and having it move on its own. Lots of examples of animatronics can be found in the original Star Wars movies and the flash-forward scenes in the first two Terminator movies. With CGI, your actors have to pretend that they're looking at the thing that will be digitally inserted later. With animatronics, they can actually interact with it.

Movie Review: Predators

Predators

Manages to hang with the original

Produced by Robert Rodriguez

Directed by Nimrod Antal

Starring Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne

Rated R

Predators is the spiritual - and some would say only canon - successor to the well-liked original movie, which starred Arnold Schwarznegger. Yes, there was a Predator 2 somewhere along the line, and it was decent, but this movie arguably takes its place in the lineage. And don't worry about those Alien Versus Predator movies, as this one ignores them entirely. The creators of this movie specifically said that the goal here was to have this movie be to Predator what Aliens was to Alien: a follow-up with new, badder, and more numerous variations of the foe. In that sense, I think they succeeded.

Game Review: God of War 2

God of War 2

Kratos returns, swinging more pipe than ever

Playstation 2, 2007

Developer: SCE Studios Santa Monica

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Time to Complete: 8-12 hours

First thing's first: God of War 2 has a very noticeable lack of boobs compared to the first game. However, of the relatively few that it does have, the majority look like God spent an entire week perfecting them. I'm starting to think maybe these games need to more accurately represent the world's boobs with some imperfections. For instance, boobs with cross-eyed nipples.

Game Review: Mega Man 10

Mega Man 10

Surprisingly, not Mega Man X

Wii, PS3, XBox 360, 2010

Developer: Inti Creates, Capcom

Publisher: Capcom

Time to Complete: 1-3 hours

Mega Man 10 is the latest edition of the storied, beloved series featuring the pantless blue wonder, who wears his underwear over his tights. Actually, to be more accurate, it's the latest expansion pack for Mega Man 1. It begins with what may well be the longest intro scene in Mega Man history, clocking in at approximately 14 hours.

Game Review: God of War

God of War

Should be called God of Boobs

Playstation 2, 2005

Developer: SCE Studios Santa Monica

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Time to Complete: 5-7 hours

The very first, debut edition of A Serious Review™ is for a game I just recently played. Seemingly 90% of everyone else on the planet with a PS2 already played it years ago, so I'm a bit behind the times. For that other 10% who, like myself, aren't "hip" or "with it", here's the story. God of War is a third-person action game set in ancient Greece. You play as Kratos, a mortal who is on a quest to kill Ares, the renegade God of War...and anything else that has the misfortune of running into his grumpy, wrathful self. This review may or may not actually be Serious, and it is likely to be not very serious at all. Void in several states. Read on, if you dare.

Mario RPG Pt 7: Walk the Plank

The seventh and final installment of Mario RPG. In this one, Mario faces Smithy in a final battle for the ages... but that's not all.

I hope this series was good reading for the 24 fans in attendance.

Mario RPG Pt 6: Step into the AM

In this installment, I take care of some odds and ends before arriving at the final dungeon of the game.

Mario RPG Pt 5: Tijuana Vicodin Stand

Part five of the epic seven-part journey of Mario Bauer.


In this episode, our hero contends with a volcano, more beanstalks... and knife-wielding clowns.

Mario RPG Pt 4: The Passion of the Mallow

For whatever reason, Blogspot insists on completely screwing up my formatting and line-spacing, resulting in line spaces where there shouldn't be and no line spaces where there SHOULD be... not to mention lines packed together.

I would go back and edit this to fix it, because I'm not lazy... problem is, it takes my fixes as vague suggestions, and doesn't actually implement them on the page. Blogspot... you're on notice.

In any case, Mario rolls on, as our hero takes on Monstro Town, Bean Valley, Nimbus Land... and the massive-racked Queen Valentina.

Mario RPG Pt 3: Shady Aftermath

Episode 3 of the epic seven-part Mario Bauer series.

Can Mario stop the next nuke in time?

Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)

Time for a look at one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen.

Repo! The Genetic Opera was released in 2008 to the delight of a small but fanatical cult following. It's a musical along the lines of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I didn't get around to watching it until very recently, nearly two years after its release, though I had wanted to sooner...I just didn't get around to it.

This isn't a review...it's just a look. An in-depth look. A shocking expose, if you will. A mockery. A sham.

Beware, because nothing can fully prepare you...for Repo.

Mario RPG Pt 2: Mario Bauer

The following takes place between 7 AM...and 6 PM, on the day of the Mushroom Kingdom Presidential Primary.

Mario RPG Pt 1: Daybreak

This is the first of a seven-part series combining Mario RPG and 24. These were done during Season Six of the show, so most of the 24 references generally relate to that season.

The Alpha

Welcome to my new blog.

In a way, this blog isn't truly new. I've been writing pretty extensively since about 2001 for a small audience. For the most part, I write about gaming, but I often take forays into politics or whatever else gets me going. This site, at least at first, will mainly feature my gaming writings. Specifically, image-blogs, featuring screenshots from a particular game with my running commentary. I've done literally hundreds upon hundreds of these, so I have no shortage of things to post on here.

Why did I start this? I figured it was time to start expanding... or at least create the opportunity for more people to read my work.

I use the term "my work" loosely, because many of the things I write are pretty off-the-wall. My writings run the gamut from serious to completely not, and usually fall somewhere in the middle. I make a lot of cultural references...a whole lot. References to 24, South Park, musicians I don't like, wrestlers, and The Bush Administration abound. Some people will like my writings, some won't. That's the way it is. I'm putting them out here for the people who do.

Seriousness is simply the uncommon end of the spectrum of my writing. Reviews and so forth will pop up on here from time to time, and these will be my more austere postings. Whenever I finish a game that has some sort of major impact on me or cultural relevancy, chances are I'll put together one of these all-business reviews. For the most part, however, my image-blogs are done in an unserious manner, and are meant to only be humorous looks at the games (or movies, or shows, or...) in question.

For those who don't know me, my real name is Jericho, or Jer for short. I've been playing games since I was a kid. I've grown up with their evolution, as well as seen the best and the worst of them.

Games, however, are only one cog in the machine here.

One final note...some of my writings are definitely on the Rated R side. Mature jokes abound. Exercise caution, and don't let your six-year-old in here.

-Jericho