Ranking All Six April Fool's Posts

 

I didn't have any new ideas this year, so I'm just going to do a ranking list for the other ones. People love rankings and top lists.

Highlander 5x12 - Revelation 6:8

 

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat upon him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the Earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with the beasts of the Earth.

-The Book of Revelation, Chapter 6, Verse 8

And I heard as if it were the noise of thunder

One of the four beasts saying, "Come and See"

-Johnny Cash, "When The Man Comes Around"

Pokemon Legends: Z-A, Part 5 - Grand Est Strasbourg

 

Cataluna gets PEARL HARBORED by a vicious Beedrill. At least one of these Rogue Mega boss fights is finally using an actual appealing Pokémon.

I'll say it again, the main character's outfit is completely carrying the game. This game is...not great. And it's a shame because they could have really done so much with the France setting and re-creating some of the rain-drenched, mossy locales therein. Instead we got this one town where basically everything looks the same, everywhere you go.

Pokemon Legends: Z-A, Part 4 - Canari's Coal Mine

 

Today on Pokemon: Cataluna lures Lida up onto a rooftop. How much do any of these people actually know about Cataluna? She never speaks, and everyone knows redheads are coo-coo. I wouldn't follow her onto a rooftop.

Highlander 5x11 - Comes a Horseman

This is the beginning of what I consider the best seven-episode run in the entire show. While they've had a couple of really solid episode groups before (S1's "Band of Brothers" and a few episodes after it, S3's "Song of the Executioner" and a few episodes after it), this is the longest and most consistent run of quality they ever had. Everything from "Comes a Horseman" to "The Modern Prometheus" are A+ episodes, and knocking out those seven episodes is a big goal of mine for the near future. Then after that I've just got the final 14 episodes and one movie and then I can pretty much put the site in an antique store (have a couple other series' to finish first, too).

"Forgive Us Our Trespasses", if placed last in those seven, could even be a good place to end the series outright and have it be an introspective ending. "Duende" would also be a great finale, if you want to go out with a big battle (but it's a pretty average episode, carried entirely by the final battle). Considering that S5 is so abbreviated and ends four episodes sooner than previous seasons, they sure upped the quality level to compensate. In my view, anyway. I'm sure more than a few people would disagree with my assessment of "The Ransom of Richard Redstone" being included in this "incredible seven-episode run" but just work with me here. A Richie comedy episode is some needed levity at this point.

Aired on February 3rd 1997, this coincided with the beginning of the Sting vs NWO storyline in rasslin', and AOL chat rooms were going nuts around that time talking about both. Would Methos turn on the Four Horsemen? Who would join Ric Flair's Four Horsemen to fight the NWO?

Kronos is the biggest bad guy in this entire show; while Kalas has a longer duration of being a threat (a five-episode arc rather than two - though Kronos does pop up again several times later... sort of), Kronos is the bigger threat by a lot, and feels more like he belongs in a Highlander movie. Both of them have the distinction of having prior wins over Duncan, as well.

This season's theme of running from your past and the unavoidable consequences of not facing it...really comes to a head here.

Street Fighter Alpha: Warriors' Dreams (Arcade, 1995)

 

I have a theory that this game was intended to be a replacement for Street Fighter 1. Every generation of this series has gotten a distinct "era" with multiple revisions...except the first one, which is a bit of a lost game and lost era. The project head for Street Fighter 1 left the company soon after to work on SNK's Fatal Fury, and the new showrunners made Street Fighter 2. I think that said showrunners wanted to make their own "origin gen" to replace SF1, and thus Street Fighter Alpha (or Street Fighter Zero in Japan) was born.

As a result, this game is pretty interesting to me, as a re-creation of the genesis of the series. Much like SF1, Ryu's story mode in this game is his journey to defeat Sagat (and along the way, his understudy Adon). We also get SF1 characters like Birdie. It's basically them going back and making a "Street Fighter Generation 1" that actually meets its potential.

Street Fighter II (Game Boy, 1995)

 

I'm reading that this version only contains six of the original eight fighters. Much like the portable versions of Mortal Kombat, someone had to get the axe. Who would they pick? Normally I'd guess Blanka and Dhalsim; The latter would probably be harder to program than the other characters due to his long reach, while the former never struck me as a particularly popular character. I've never heard anyone talk about how much they love Blanka, or seen anyone playing as Blanka. ...he's on the box, though, so it was probably E-Honda and Dhalsim that got dropped due to their unconventional proportions. Well, let's find out.

Pokemon Legends: Z-A, Part 3 - Club Vandermon

 

Today on Pokémon Legends Z-A, Cataluna gets dragged into more of this Poké-battling nonsense, as I begin to wonder if anyone actually goes to college in this universe. Is she never going to start the European Sex Tour with her new best friend Lida? It was supposed to be their journey of self-discovery, ending in Barcelona.

Dragon Quest VII? There is no Dragon Quest VII.

Pokemon Legends: Z-A, Part 2 - The Quest For Shoes

 

Previously on Pokémon Legends: Z-A...our protagonist Cataluna had to cancel her planned European Sex Tour to instead be a looker for the Looker Bureau. Apparently you gotta look pretty good to be a looker and solve detective cases. All of that said, the main mystery for me to solve in this game is finding some damn decent shoes.

Dragon Quest VII is on my desk, we're reviewing it right now, it's pretty shocking stuff.

Romancing SaGa 2 Remake (Multiple, 2024), Part 1 - The Lion and the Sun

 

This is a really, really good remake. Wow. I think it flew under the radar to an extent. I really enjoyed playing the original version of this game and it's obscure enough that I'm surprised to see it remade. This is a bit of a hidden gem in the Squaresoft library, and the original RS2 is probably the best out of all the SaGa games outside of maybe SaGa Frontier. This series is very spotty, very hit-or-miss. Looking forward to seeing if this remake surges out ahead of Frontier to become the new SaGa best-in-series.

Rather than being HD-2D, they gave this one a full 3D makeover. It's different from most 3D remakes though, with a very distinct visual style that prioritizes light effects and really nice environments over framerate. On Switch you're stuck at 30 FPS or so, but damn, the visuals in this game sure do have a lot of personality regardless. I tried the PS5 version and that's at 60 FPS, presumably Switch 2 is also pulling that off. The visuals are so distinctive and classy that I didn't even particularly mind when it was 30. Anyway, I'm not going to cover this game for real until/unless I wrap up the SaGa series, but I'm down to check out the demo now and I might as well post it rather than leaving it for later.

The 1000 Games I've Beaten (#596 - 621)

 

#596 Assassin's Creed: Syndicate (Playstation 4) – Fall 2015

This impossibly-hot character isn't from the game and has nothing to do with the game. It's just a reminder of how cool it'd be to have ever gotten a female version of Ezio, a female assassin main character who is just absolutely gorgeous and formidable. Not very subtle, but still, the outfit can be explained by her working in a cabaret or as a dancer/woman of the night in order to get closer to a target she's hellbent on felling, before being handpicked to join the Assassin Order.

I mention all of this because Assassin's Creed: Syndicate... is the first main-series, console AC game to actually give us a female protagonist! We waited a long time to get a female protagonist in this series, watching absolute lay-up Elise de la Serre get passed over as playable in AC Unity.

Pokemon Legends: Z-A (Switch 2, 2025), Part 1 - Eurotrip and the Looker Bureau

 

I interrupt this DQ-palooza to briefly check out the latest Pokémon game. I wasn't crazy about Arceus, while lots of others were. Last I checked, this game isn't exactly getting rave reviews, so maybe I'll conversely really like it. They took the bold step of making this a real-time hybrid action game (with dodge rolls, for some reason, cause everybody wants to be a Soulslike now).

This game takes place entirely in the hub city from Generation 6's Kalos. It's an interesting idea that I'm not sure really pans out. At least they're trying new things with the Legends games; Arceus introduced some open world concepts that were then heavily-refined by the Generation 9 games (IMO Gen 9 is waaaay better than Arceus specifically because it takes what worked and makes it much more appealing... sorry the framerate is bad and whatnot, but Gen 9 otherwise worked).

Dragon Quest III HD-2D Remake, Part 9 (Epilogue Final) - Father and Son

 

DQIII's postgame was too much for one post, so here's the back half. Will Erdrick get closure with the loss of his dad? What will the final postgame superboss be? Will I get the platinum trophy? Will I ever move on to Dragon Quest VII? Tune in to find out.

Dragon Quest III HD-2D Remake, Part 8 (Epilogue) - Rainbow Push

 

The Dragon Quest III HD-2D posts were over a year ago, but I'm going to go ahead and add to the stack. That's right, I've been revisiting DQIII to do the platinum trophy and (hopefully) dominate the endgame that gave me quite a bit of grief the first time.

Have a score to settle with King Hydra, and a wrong to put right for Ortega.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 13 (Finale) - You Are Beautiful On The Inside

 

Today on the final post of Dragon Quest II (ever), I must Rock The Dragon.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 12 - Surrounded By Demons, I Fight

Next stop, I go and get all the Ultimate Key chests. The undersea world doesn't have much in it, but it does have these store-rooms with Ultimate Key chests and optional semi-bosses.

The Best And Worst Thing In Each Yakuza Game

 

This will include the Yakuza games that I've played (which is all of them, but not the original versions of some of them from 20 years ago, just the most current and modern versions of each).

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 11 - Deep Lies The Snow

 

Rhone gets built up a lot in this game. As well it should be. It takes a lot more to give the audience the same kind of feelings that snow tiling did on the NES almost 40 (Jesus) years ago.

"I am cold like December snow!"

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 10 - Panem et Circenses

At this point I have no problem saying that this is one of the best games in the whole Dragon Quest series. While the original DQII is still down a few tiers, this remake could be up there with the DQVs and DQXIs of the world in the upper tier.

Four sigils down! One sigil left! Because it's time...for our main event. Brrrrr.

Mortal Kombat Master Post

 

Here are all the MK links in one place and a tier list now that I (completely) finished the series. What a completely bonkers series.

MK Mythologies: Sub-Zero (N64 and PS1, 1997)

They should have called this MK ULTRA because it's torture.

Originally posted a few years ago, now completely re-written

The 1000 Games I've Beaten (#592 - 595)

 

#592 Dark Souls (Playstation 3) – Fall 2015

Now this was the perfect Halloween game, and I basically spent the month of October playing it. Out of the Fromsoft Big Seven (Dark Souls 1-3, Demon Souls, Bloodborne, Sekiro, Elden Ring) this is the one I enjoy revisiting the least; it's dark, grungey, muddy, and just generally the least-sexy of the lot.

That said, it's still one of the best of those games from a world design standpoint. Everything clicks here. After playing the hell out of Bloodborne and Scholar of the First Sin a few months previous, I was willing to go back to PS3 yet again to play what came before.

Wasn't sure what to expect with this one, or how playable it would be with the lower-res, lower-FPS visuals. Well, once I got used to the system downgrade, it was fine, and it very effectively captures the retro vibe of challenging games on the NES, SNES, PS1. It doesn't hold your hand, and it's all about finding your way through an interesting series of interconnected levels. In short, it feels like a GAME, and it steps back and lets you PLAY. Which both seem obvious, but they weren't a given anymore by the 2010's.

The 1000 Games I've Beaten (#581 - 591)

 

#581 Fallout: New Vegas (Playstation 3) – Summer 2015

This game has five expansions and they're all great. Each one tells a different story and the game almost takes on a Twilight Zone type episodic feel because of it. I started this one way back in mid-2012 after Fallout 3 and played a lot of it then, but it didn't grab me the same way FO3 did at the time. FO3 has that incredible setting with post-apocalypse Washington DC, while this is less post-apocalyptic and more just a desert. It's got a completely different mood.

This one feels more like a Western, more like Twilight Zone, more like something out of the 1950's. FO3 feels more futuristic, with lasers and whatnot being emphasized while this game errs more towards the classical weapons.

Code Vein Boss Fights

 

This is a great game. It's basically Souls with less polish, much worse world and level design, and way more attractive characters. The sum total of all of that is that it's a blast. One thing's for sure, ally characters being able to revive you (on a 30 second or so cooldown) really saved me in this game. Recorded all the boss fights, here they are.

The 1000 Games I've Beaten (#573 - 580)

#573 Final Fantasy XIII-2 (Playstation 3) - Summer 2015

In some ways, more like a Chrono Trigger sequel than Chrono Cross is. A game where you travel through time to various eras of the planet's history to solve problems and put right things that once went wrong. While Lightning is featured heavily in the game's artwork, cases, etc, she takes a backseat to Serah in this one. Serah was more or less the "8th main character" that was never actually playable in FF13, so it makes sense that they'd bring her out for the sequel and make her the focal point.

This game is very, very solid. I liked FF13 more than most people already, but I admit it has numerous flaws. This game managed to fix most of them, and was a rare instance of a developer actually listening to player criticisms. Not many people played it, but the ones who did generally sung its praises.

Mortal Kombat: Special Forces (PS1, 2000)

 

My God. Look at how they massacred my boy.

This spinoff centers around Jax versus Kano and his Black Dragon Syndicate. It's safe to say that right now (or the last few months, anyway) is the most that anybody has played or thought about this game ever (yeah, even when it first came out). It got a lot of press due to being included in Mortal Kombat Legacy Kollection. I previously did a post on this and MK Mythologies: Sub-Zero, but it only covered the first few minutes of each game before I tapped out. So I dug that post up specifically to actually cover the whole game now that it's available and playable on a TV. I'll also be re-doing MK Mythologies: Sub-Zero and covering that.

God Help Me.

Originally posted a few years ago, now expanded

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 9 - Debts From The Atlantean Age

Today on Episodio Nueve: Ocean, ocean, and more ocean, as I finish off Sigilquest...by convincing mermaids to kiss our heroes. Oh Yeah. Which lips, though? Where exactly do we need to kiss these mermaids?

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 8 - Conquistar el Mundo

 

This is like reading self-censored online posts that are trying not to run afoul of some view-stifling algorithm. So instead of "shot" they say "sh*t" and it makes it look ten times worse.

Today on DQ2: I reclaim the Sigils and all of their buffs, as this super-good game rolls on. Now that I've finished the game in real-time, I'm booking it towards the end on posts.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 7 - Guajira Guantanamera

 

Today on DQII - Lots of sea travel, as I talk to the Maharaja of Medals, mermaids, mermen, and get things generally sorted out. Oh yeah, and start the game over on an entirely new system.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 6 - The Cannock Dynasty

 

Just going to take a minute to say, this DQII remake is really, really, really good. It was a game with potential that was in dire need of fixing and improvements, and...they did everything it needed, and then some. It's so good that it retroactively elevates the original, and I no longer think of that as a series-worst game (I'd play the original version of DQII over the original versions of DQ6 or 7 any day of the week...largely because it can actually be played in a day, rather than requiring the better part of a month like the others).

I wasn't super crazy about DQ1 HD-2D and some of the changes it had, a lot of which didn't work. That midgame difficulty-spike (which was more of a wall) with the five-on-one, and various other issues, kept it from being my favorite version of DQ1. However, it's still an important game and worth playing as a lead-in to this much better game. Kind of like what FF7 Remake is to FF7 Rebirth. Not great in a lot of ways, and a bit tedious to get through at times, but an important playthrough regardless to lead into a much bigger and better quest.

As for DQ3 HD-2D...it is what it is, was perfectly decent although, again, I didn't like some of the changes. It's interesting, the worst aspects of the 1 and 3 remakes tend to be new things created for them, while the best aspects of 2 tend to be new things created for it. Especially dialogue scenes and the like.

Just some thoughts on this about halfway through. It's a pretty damn good game and I respect what they accomplished here.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 5 - The Voyage Home

 

Today on DQII: I've obtained the ship, and now it's time to make the voyage back to Alefgard and find the Sigils. Excited to see how Alefgard is realized in this remake.

We are leaving space dock, and it's a good thing we got permission to take this boat because otherwise we'd have to sabotage Excelsior to get away.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 4 - The Nippleheim Incident

 

Our heroes get visited by God while sleeping at the inn, and gives them one mission: Find the boat. But what does God need with a boat? Nothing, actually, it's specifically for me. That's today's journey: Finding the boat. Not finding the little man in the boat, finding the boat itself. I've delayed this long enough, time for The Nippleheim Incident.

Mortal Kombat 1 - Khaos Reigns DLC

 

This is the DLC expansion for MK1, kinda like what MK11: Aftermath was. They're canon and basically sequels, running about a third of the runtime of their respective games. This one serves the purpose of getting lame-ass Havik out of the way so that the next main series game can move on to an actual interesting bad guy.

Brutal: Paws of Fury (Sega Genesis, 1994)

 

One of the worst fighting games of the 16-bit era, and it's unfortunate because it's a cool idea. A bunch of animals, each representing a different martial art, having a tournament on an island to determine what the greatest martial art is.

When I was a kid, I actually really wanted this game. It was one of those "read about it somewhere and then ask my mom to get it" games that I thankfully got ignored on, mainly because she figured it was terrible due to the villain being THE DALAI LLAMA and the game being called Brutal. In any case, time to find out why this game should have been called Brutal: Paws of ASS.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 3 - The Bridgewater Triangle

 

The lore artwork in this remake is great, and usually accompanies a character retelling a legend or a fable. In other news, I've been reading up on the Bridgewater Triangle and all the weirdness that occurred there over the centuries, and it really is the kind of location you'd find in a DQ game. If I were designing one of these RPGs I'd probably base an area directly off of that place, and Hockamock Swamp.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D, Part 2 - Grieving Angel's Lament

 

WTF? I think this woman wants to milk us.

.......the title of this post is way too good for this post or anything in it.

Dragon Quest II HD-2D (Multiple, 2025)

 

I've had a tumultuous relationship with Dragon Quest II. For a long time I considered it the worst game in the series, due to the uneven difficulty, unappealing map layout, and one of the three characters being utterly useless. However, it also has a charm about it that I've always liked, and I never dreaded replaying it or anything. So I'm hoping that this remake will take the DQ game most in need of refinement and give it that much-needed forging.

For the record: After replaying the first seven games again in the last few years, I'd probably now rate the original DQII above DQVI and DQVII in the grand scheme of things. Those games are way over-long and most of the runtime is mundane, things DQII has no problems with. Even in the original rudimentary NES form, this game doesn't take that long to run through and each section of the game held my attention.

The 1000 Games I've Beaten (#570 - 572)

 

#570 Bloodborne (Playstation 4) – Spring 2015

Finally, something I remember and have things to say about, after months of things I barely remember. This was my first From Software game and the game that revived my interest in the PS4. The system had a pretty weak first year, with Assassin's Creed 4 and Assassin's Creed Unity being the only things that particularly got me excited for it. Then this game came along, and it looked so...different and interesting that I had to give it a try. 

EVO: Search for Eden - Finale

EVO wraps up with the Modern Era. Really interesting game here, another of Enix's weird classics that grows on you if you let it.

Originally posted March 2015, revised for 2026

EVO: Search for Eden (Super NES, 1992)

Time to look at a true classic from Enix. ...and by classic I mean a stiff, difficult grind-fest that is definitely an acquired taste. Despite that, there's something appealing and cool about this game that made it a lot of fun back in the day, and back in 1997 or so this was actually my rental of choice for a little while.

I pretty much permanently associate this game with New Year's Day, since I spent Jan 1st 1997 playing it and sipping egg nog.

Originally posted March 2015, revised for 2026