Game Review: The Mega Man X Series, Part III

The final three installments in the Mega Man X series are a definite departure from the previous six. They enter the realm of 3D and introduce a number of new characters. After the mess that was Mega Man X6, would the series bounce back with the last few installments? Read on to find out.

The Loin King

This Valentine's Day, I've got something extra special for everyone. Put on some Barry White, because it's time for the story of the greatest lion of all time: The Loin King. Only on the Super NES.

Because someone had to keep all the female lions happy.

And that someone...

...is The Loin King.

Arguing With Terminator Salvation Nitpicks

Terminator Salvation. Released in 2009 and alternately praised/reviled by moviegoers, the fourth and (as yet) final Terminator movie is controversial. This movie has a lot more attention to detail than people give it credit for, yet I've seen it get torn apart on the internet a lot. What doesn't get torn up on the internet? In any case, this movie got a lot of it. I'm going to take a few of the more common nitpicks and do my best to argue with them here. Terminator Salvation isn't the best movie in the world and can't compare to the first two movies in the series, but it's a step up from Terminator 3 and a well-done addition to the series mythology. I appreciated the amount of thought that went into this movie.

Secret of Evermore Finale - Metropolis

 

I used to think the central control area of Evermore was pretty menacing... and then I played Bioshock.

Now that game has a menacing central control area. Damn, it sure freaked me the hell out. I don't know if any other game has ever given me such a sense of impending doom.

In other news, now that Hot Dog is a toaster, he doesn't have to worry so much about getting the munchies. After he tokes up, he can just fix himself some toast.

Regardless, PREPARE YOURSELF for the finale of Evermore. Will Hulkster get back to Podunk? Will his dog overdose on pot? Will the final boss be an enormous, wildly vibrating metal penis? There's only one way to find out.

Secret of Evermore VI - Ascent

The bridge to Ebon Keep has finally been fixed, which eliminates the need to go through the Dark Forest again. This is called "making sure the game has any fans left".

 

Ebon Keep may be on the rise again, but the castle itself is still ruined and depressing.

I may have lost Nathan's Hot Dogs sponsorship due to my ties to the Yakuza, and I may no longer be allowed to drink while writing, but this should turn out well. Not only am I chilling outside as I write this, I'm chilling on a playground at night. Few things are cooler than that. I rediscovered this a year ago.

I just hope no trouble arises, because I'm not wearing my running shoes. They're in the wash. Matter of fact, I'm wearing my un-broken-in shoes that I probably can't run in at all yet.

Then again, trouble probably won't arise. It may be a big city, but the crime rate here seems really low.

And remember... if you don't write on a quiet, moonlit playground at night just because you can... you're letting everything bad about the world win.

Secret of Evermore V - Ruins

And we're back.

This dude gives our hero some advice. Unfortunately, Hulkster is not a rapper, so he is not packing the heat.